Happiness = Strong relationships
Work on your family & friendship flex
I decided to kick off this Money & Relationships page with a post about happiness. Guess what? Strong relationships have the most significant impact on your happiness as an individual.
One of life’s greatest questions is, “What makes a good life?”. Well, Harvard researchers have been working on that for over 80 years! More on this can be found in the book, “The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness,” written by Robert Waldinger, MD, and Marc Schulz, PhD.
Here is a summary of their findings from the 80+ year study, along with some thoughts of my own:
Relationships Are Crucial. The quality of our relationships is the most significant factor in determining our happiness and well-being. Strong social connections are linked to better mental and physical health. Loneliness has also been linked to having more detrimental health effects than smoking, obesity, and physical inactivity!
It's Not Just Quantity, But Quality. While having a network of relationships is essential, the quality of these relationships matters more. Close, supportive relationships contribute the most to happiness.
Good Relationships Protect Our Bodies and Brains. People who are more socially connected to family, friends, and community are happier, physically healthier, and live longer than those who are less well connected. Additionally, good relationships help protect memory as we age.
Money and Success Don't Guarantee Happiness. The study shows that while money and career success contribute to life satisfaction, they are not the primary drivers of happiness. Relationships and meaningful connections have a more profound impact. A Gallup study even found that a friend’s happy friend can significantly impact your happiness more than a raise at work. Hanging out with happy people makes a difference!
Challenges in Relationships Are Normal. The book emphasizes that no relationship is perfect and all relationships face challenges. What matters is how we handle these challenges and work through them to maintain the connection.
Happiness Evolves. The study shows that happiness is not static; it changes and evolves as we go through different stages of life. The things that bring us joy in our 20s may differ from those in our 50s or 70s. This is akin to the end of history illusion, when people accept that they have changed from the past but don’t think they will change in the future. Think back ten years ago and ask if that person thought you’d be where you are today!
Social Fitness. Like physical fitness, the book introduces the concept of "social fitness," which involves actively maintaining and nurturing our relationships throughout life. During the pandemic, hanging out with your dog may have been the status quo. But just like going back to the gym, with time, it can get easier to meet up with friends post-pandemic.
Purpose and Meaning. Finding purpose and meaning in life is a key component of happiness. This can come from work, hobbies, relationships, or other aspects of life that give us a sense of fulfillment. It is related to other areas of study, like the Japanese word “Ikigai” or the study of Positive Psychology (a topic for another post).
Investing in Relationships. The authors stress the importance of prioritizing and investing time and energy in relationships. This can be as simple as making regular contact, being present, and showing empathy and understanding.
Adaptability and Resilience. The study shows that people who adapt to life's changes and challenges and build resilience tend to have happier and more fulfilling lives.
So, how do you go about making strong relationships? This can seem daunting with the demands of family, pets, hobbies, and work. And it begs the question, how do you juggle all that? And how do you pick where to live to be nearby family or friends? Or how to create a community if you move?
Being more aware of your values and allocating resources like time and money is a good start. Take some time to sit with yourself or a partner and discuss what’s most important to you and where you might be lacking in living in alignment with your values. You might be surprised by what comes out of the conversation.
Next week, we’ll be talking more about relationships with well-being. And don’t worry, we’ll get to the money soon.
In the meantime, if you’re interested to read The Good Life or listen to the Ted talk, check out the links below:
Book: https://amzn.to/3YR3IkH
Let me know what you think in the comments below!
Excellent read!